Scary thought

It's me again. 4:45 and I'm wide awake. A big flew on my face right near my nose and I immediately slapped it off only to slap myself. My nose hurts. Anyway, I just had the scariest thought. What if I went to Europe and felt nothing? What if I saw the Eiffel Tower or the Swiss Alps and I didn't feel in awe? I'm scared because these last few months especially, I have been stalking photos and blogs of travellers who've had their taste of Europe and each photo makes me hyperventilate and think, "oh my goodness, that will be me so soon! I am so excited!"

But this thought is draining me and it's making me scared. Will I appreciate the experience enough? 

Maybe it's just my mind telling me it's time to sleep? I'm feeling a bit euphoric. I think I'm just really tired... And scared... because if i'm tired now, i'll be tired the whole trip and half dazed each day. 

I also think I'm feeling a bit edgy because I still cannot accept the fact that our trip is quite short. I'm quite certain a month is not enough for a once in a life time trip with the family. Although the trip hasn't even begun, I can already feel the sadness in returning and it really makes my poor soul sink. I'm scared that the trip will go so fast and it'll be over before we know it. I'm just pleading for my mind not to fall into that trap. The only thing that gives me reassurance and closes that episode is the idea that I will return. Maybe not with my family as I would like more than anything in the world, but just me on my own travels. I believe it won't be as great as it will be experiencing it with my family (and that thought just really saddened me and brought tears to my eyes), but it makes me feel much more sane and it makes me believe that this trip can be slightly imperfect as much as I want it to be perfect.